I mean at this point, we are all in this together! I hope your weekends went well, for me it was nice to have my husband home. Life stuck all together always feels more complete when we are all together. It is hard to explain, even though it probably sounds simple, one is missing incomplete, all together, complete.
However, we did not always used to be that way. We stayed busy, but we ran in so many different directions and the scary part is, we didn't even know it. When we moved to RVA we only had each other and that tiny, I mean tiny little two bedroom apartment. In that time we were given something so valuable and that we never saw coming. I do not know that there is a name for it or even words for it, but we learned to lean to one another, we built a family bond we didn't even know we were missing. Is it perfect? Far from it, do we fight, say hurtful things to one another and drive each other crazy? Absolutely! In this time however, we learned so much about ourselves and each other, we learned family. We made it ours, we made is us!
So fast forward to now...and that is why it feels so incomplete with one of us not here. So the weekend was nice family time.
Also can I just say, I have heard argument over argument whether or not church should be cancelled. When before the virus I heard social media is the devil. Well personally I want you to know that Sunday morning my social media was filled with nothing but "church" and I loved it. The thing is, we do not have to be so divided...we just don't. But is a post for another day, I simply wanted to say thank you to all those that shared their morning worship in this time!
As Sunday night approached I still had that typical, prepare for the week feeling. This time however, I longed for my week to be what is has always been. I longed to be wake up and fight for room in the bathroom, listen to the Kayla give Morgan a countdown to how much time before she left, and give "morning Beaver" the space he needs. I longed for my husband to tell me I make such a mess pouring my coffee and hear everyone say, "Goodbye, Have a great dat, I love you!"
The reality of what week two of isolation held was quickly becoming a realization and I am simply not ready for it.
At 2pm the Governor said he will address the state and he will also be informing us what his plan is with schools going forward. While at first I was excited...simply because I genuinely want to know the end. How long will this last, when can we go back to normal, when will this be over...I realized...he doesn't know, he simply will be doing what he and the powers that be think is the safest option for this state. With that realization I quickly felt like I have been on trial and at 2pm the jury would read my verdict.
Of course this thought train could not stop there, this wasn't just about me as an educator and school being closed, this was about our state and our country. This is about us becoming the countries we read about, the stories we read so often on social media, the "That will never happen to me, to us!" Guess what...it's here, this is our story, this is our country, this is our life, these are our loved ones. This reality is our people on the front lines, in the hospitals begging for answers, begging for protection. Our reality is our people with compromised immune systems at risk of death, our reality is a state, a country on the verge of shutdown, lockdown, crisis.
We are a selfish country...so privileged...and we take all of it for granted. Even in the hight of this crisis...we still cannot as a country come together and just stay put, stay home, social distance, keep ourselves safe. I want to tell you I understand...but as time goes on...I get more and more frustrated with it. I literally in one minute say...I understand, its small business...we have to make an income...and the very next second...it doesn't matter...this is life or death.
My heart breaks for so many...worried about how to survive with no income, how to keep their business they have invested their whole life into from going under. The person that just wants to help where they can. The person terrified beyond measure of catching this virus or a dear loved one dying from it. All community service workers that are doing their best, risking their wellbeing and their families wellbeing to have people just unwilling to stay home.
Guys...these times are scary and so uncertain...and this continues to increase with everyday that passes. I am not here to tell you. "It will be Ok!" "Focus on the positive" "It could be worse" or any other text book answer you get in time of struggle. Because, lets be honest...we simply don't know.
What I do know, and this is such a new concept to me too...just feel...feel worried, feel anxious, feel discouraged, feel happy, feel grateful, feel kind, feel something new every second. No matter what you feel, allow your body to feel, breath through it, find a friend and talk about it, find a safe place to express your feelings and allow yourself to feel. Here is what I know, feelings, they need somewhere to go. I will tell you I shove mine in a bottle...however what I actually know is they find a place to live in my body...this turns into fear, anxiety, even body aches and pain...and if left for to long chronic illness and trauma. So today...amongst all of this "new normal" find a release, find and outlet and allow yourself to feel!!
And PLEASE....STAY HOME!!!!
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